Saturday, December 28, 2013

Louisiana Movies: Alligator X

Alligator X. From: IMDb.

Imagine the quality of the movie you'd get if you were to combine the 10th sequels of all of these films: Jaws, Jurassic Park, Frankenstein, and Lake Placid.

Yes, you'd get Alligator X (aka Predator X), the story of a mad scientist who uses modern science to recreate a gigantic alligator from our prehistoric past, all set in the Louisiana bayou.

I did actually watch the movie. That is, my eyes were open and looking at the movie and my ears heard the sounds, for a half-hour or so, but eventually I did the only sensible thing while the movie ran: I deboned two roast chickens while listening (well, hearing) the dialogue.

The best actor was the one who played the smarter of the mad scientist's two henchmen. It was fun to watch him chew scenery completely unabashed, all while gumming his cigarette. He did everything except twirl the end of a waxed mustache.

The lead actress couldn't seem to move her mouth in any fashion that didn't make me think she must have got her start in campy soft porn.

Two of my favorite stupid lines:

  • Mandy, stop flailing! 
  • We've got to get out of here! 

I burst out laughing when the lead actress was splashed in the face with what must have been an off-screen bucket of blood when the alligator got blown up. Oh, whoops, sorry. Did I spoil it for you?

Here is a delicious review of the movie.

Recommend? Yeah, I don't think so.

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