Istanbul: Cultural Exchanges, Part 2 or: Cultural Ignorance

Hanafi Islam

Hanafi Muslims? What the hell? Who are they? Why had I never heard of them? I only knew about two branches of Islam: Sunni and Shia.

Well, it turns out that Hanafi Islam is a stream within the Sunni branch (this link is probably the most interesting), is known to be more liberal in some matters than Americans generally see in our media. Also, most Muslims in the world are not only Sunni, but followers of the Hanafi "madhab." 

"Alican," "Bali," and Bali's cousins are all Hanafi. All are also Kurds.




Women with hijabs, smiling

Why did I feel surprised when I saw women wearing hijab smiling, embracing and being embraced by their men, kissing? Seeing a couple, the woman with her hijab, gazing into each others' eyes for long minutes on the tram?


Such universal ordinariness.

I can't speak for anyone else, so I'll just speak for me. Why is it that the visceral images I have about the wearing of hijabs are oppression and humorlessness? Kind of the same way I perceive Puritans to have been.

("Hijab" is a generic term that applies to any of the modesty covering of Muslim women, whether it's just the headscarf or full-out burqa. This link notes the four countries in the world that actually ban hijab in certain places - note: not just hijab, but all 'overt religious symbols.')

Indeed, the author of an ehow article on Puritans pretty much summed up my emotional (versus intellectual) response to the hijab:

The Puritans who settled in New England in the 17th and 18th centuries have been largely mythologized as a small group of people who lived a life devoid of pleasure, shunned alcohol and sex, and lacked humor or compassion for other people. In fact, despite living a hard frontier life in a foreign land, the Puritans did experience the same pleasures as others but in moderation. Their way of life called for discipline and a devotion to God.

Intellectually, I know that my emotive response does not comprise the full picture of the lives of women who wear hijab.

But on a gut level, that mental model of unrelenting grimness evidently lurked inside my head.

There's a lot more I'd like to say on the topic of hijab, but for today, it's just to recognize and own up to an inaccurate assumption I didn't know I had. 

Christians aren't Christians

To the Kurds, anyway, Christians are "muhSEE-ah."

I didn't get that at first. They mentioned muhSEEah. MuhSEEah?

Ohhhhh, got it ... "messiah" as in Jesus ... Christian.

(Again, the importance of emphasis and pronunciation for understanding. Reminds me of the McDonald's debacle.)

You either respect women or you don't

Based on my anecdotal evidence (personal observation, personal experience, and information from other visitors): The Turkish touts (and regular man on the street) make comments to and invade the personal space of women they identify as Other.

I don't want to waste brain power parsing what I mean by Other because I don't know how they define Other. All I know is I observed them "taking liberties" (a phrase that should be brought back into fashion perhaps) with some women and not others. The 'not others' tended to be women who wore outward symbols of conservatism, such as hijab.

Some examples:  

• There was, of course, the day one of my colleagues had her ass groped quite thoroughly.
• A fruitseller decided to handfeed me a portion of watermelon, pushing it into my mouth, startling the heck out of me and eliciting a noise of disapproval from his male partner because the fruitseller knew it was inappropriate
• One man went from zero to "honey" and then to a presumption of something quite a bit more from me despite clear no-trespassing signals from me.

The evening that Bali and his family and I went out to the Bosphorus rocks, as we returned to our hotel, a tout thrust out his hand to me for a handshake (the prelude to getting me into his shop). My normal response in Istanbul was to ignore this behavior even though all of my American-politeness cells would scream at me to accept what Americans interpret as an act of friendliness. But I'd been chatting with Bali as we walked, and my polite reflex kicked in, so I returned the handshake.

Damn it, now the dance began immediately, "Can I ask you one ...." "No."  And I kept on going as I removed my hand from the tout's.

Bali was taken aback by the tout's behavior. I said, "They don't do this to your wife, do they"? [Bali and his family were tourists like me.]

"No."

And I told him about my colleague's experience (being groped) and added, "You know, people sometimes assume women are whores just because of where they're from and feel it's OK to do these things. It's not OK. We don't like it. And it's just as disrespectful to us as it would be to your wife."

When I talk about this stuff to Americans, generally women, a common response is, "what were you/they wearing"? As if that were relevant.


In my view, you either respect women or you don't. To see it otherwise is just another refrain of the "rape is the woman's fault" song. If you wouldn't say or do something of a personal nature to a countrywoman, then don't say or do it to a woman visiting your country. What the visitor is wearing does not dictate respect. 

Istanbul: Cultural Exchanges, Part 1

Istanbul. Bosphorus.

For a few days, some Iraqi-Kurds and I enjoyed sporadic connections. "Bali" spoke excellent English and was very outgoing. With him were his wife of only six months, his brother, his cousin, and his cousin's wife of a few years. None of Bali's relatives spoke a lick of English and I, of course, spoke no Kurdish.

Some conversations:

Bali and his relatives had invited me to join them on a walk though Gulhane Park and then a sit by the Bosphorus on large, black boulders. They brought fruit, nuts, and candy with them.    
  
On virginity. 

Bali: "Are American women virgins when they get married?"

Mzuri: "No, most aren't. That doesn't mean American women are promiscuous."

Bali: "We believe it's important to be virgins before marriage."

Mzuri: "You mean just the women, right?" 

Bali: "No, the men, too."

[Embarrassing admission: I laughed out loud in disbelief.]

Bali: "No, really."

Bali: "I think that's the best system."

Mzuri, neutrally: "Well, if both parties are virgins, it removes concern about disease."

One evening, we sat at one of the tables with comfortable benches outside the hotel. We shared fruit.

On geography.

Somehow, the two wives and I lurched our way through an information swap - where each of us was from, how old they were (24 and 27), and how long they'd been married (six months and four years, respectively), and that they were sisters.

I felt embarrassed when we talked about where they lived, which is in Iraqi Kurdistan. Yes, I did know kinda about Iraqi Kurdistan and that its capital is Arbil. And it was relatively safe for visitors. But why didn't I know which countries bordered it? Eek.

The sisters and I drew horrible maps on napkins to show where they and I were from. 


Why don't I have a portable world map that I travel with for just such cultural exchanges? (It's not like most people in the world have heard of Missouri. It's all about New York and Los Angeles.)   

I also didn't know much about the distribution of Kurds in the world. There are many Kurds in Turkey, for example.

Credits: Juan Cole of Informed Comment, Rich Clabaugh and the CS Monitor

On consanguinity and marriage.

I've already explained that my Iraqi Kurd acquaintances were Bali, his wife, his cousin, and his cousin's wife. And that the two wives were sisters.

Bali: "My wife is my mother's sister's daughter."

Mzuri: [Cognitive wheels grind.] "Oh. Your first cousin. And so your cousin's wife is also your first cousin. And his first cousin? You're all first cousins"? 

Bali: "Yes. Do you marry first cousins in America"?

[My first knee-jerk thought, immediately squelched was: We have jokes about that for people from Arkansas.]

Mzuri: "No, not generally. Second cousins, yes, sometimes. But not first cousins. In some states it's illegal."

Writing this makes me wonder more about consanguinity rules in various cultures.

Here are the first-cousin laws in the U.S. Traditionally, Americans really don't like first-cousin marriages.

This bit about some Ethiopians from wikipedia:  Among the Christian Habesha highlanders of Ethiopia and Eritrea (the predominantly orthodox Christian Amhara and Tigray-Tigrinya), it is a tradition to be able to recount one's paternal ancestors at least 7 generations away starting from early childhood, because "those with a common patrilineal ancestor less than seven generations away are considered 'brother and sister' and may not marry." The rule is less strict on the mother's side, where the limit is about four generations back, but still determined patrilinarly. This rule does not apply to Muslims or other ethnic groups.^[4]

But among Kurdish culture, first-cousin marriages are not only common, they are traditionally desirable. They strengthen the power and security of the family. Here's a link to cousin marriages among Kurds specifically - unfortunately, the sources are from a generation ago, so it's tough to know how prevalent cousin marriage still is. 

On the other hand, some cultures carefully marry outside their clans to ensure not only genetic diversity, but to create strategic alliances between clans.

For the record, Arkansas law prohibits first-cousin marriage.