Word of the Year 2020: Build 11: Relationships

 

 
On Build thus far

1. Word of the Year 2020: Build 1: After the Floods
2. Word of the Year 2020: Build 2: Fronterista
3. Word of the Year 2020: Build 3: "House"
4. Word of the Year 2020: Build 4: Chosens
5. Word of the Year 2020: Build 5: It Takes a Village
6. Word of the Year 2020: Build 6: Elevation
7. Word of the Year 2020: Build 7: Trail Building
8. Word of the Year 2020: Build 8: Money
9. Word of the Year 2020: Build 9: Health 
10. Word of the Year 2020: Build 10: Service and Activism

Word of the Year 2020: Build 12: Rootless Goals I Want to Achieve 

Word of the Year 2020 Lagniappe 13: Creative Life

 

This month is about building relationships.

My mother has often said to me: "I had a large family so that my children would be friends." Her implicit message has always been: "... and so we won't need outside friends." 

Although she presents as an extrovert, even to extended family, my mother is an introvert. As was my father. As were both my maternal and paternal grandparents, I suspect, thinking back. 

Growing up, each of my parents had a friend or two or several, at times, but parental gatherings with friends were infrequent, and my recollection is that we children were personae non gratae in the living room on such occasions.

It was perhaps inevitable, then, that not only would I be born hard-wired as an introvert, but also nurtured as such. 

My best friends for much of my childhood were books, especially fairy tales about valiant princesses undertaking arduous journeys to overcome tragic circumstances. My role models were perseverent lone women such as Jane Goodall or Dian Fossey, who surrendered herself to elective surgery to remove her appendix in order to gain Louis Leakey's blessing to study gorillas in the wild. I admired writers known for their vocational wanderings, such as Louis L'Amour and Jack London. Solo adventures and bravery figured large in my models - not relationships.

 

Birds, Kansas City Zoo, Missouri. September 2018.

There is an original Star Trek episode that left a mark on me. Called The Empath, it centered on a woman from an empath culture. She was afraid to alleviate pain for the welfare of others because it would inflict pain on herself. My real-life interpretation was of someone who lacked the knowledge or skill to maintain a relationship, who needed to be taught how to do so. 

I was much older than I should have been before I began to learn some of the intricacies of good relationships. 

Relatively late in life, I've had some good teachers. 

I've got some good teachers now, too. 

I hope I can enrich their lives as much as they have done mine.